Definitely better than before with the removal of the, "stabbing an old man in the back", shot. I like the new attitude of the man arriving to take him away, and it's obvious he's simply being incovenienced on Shot 21, so good job with the expression. In Shot 15, I think it would be helpful if the man tossed the tube of cream aside to help show he's not being stopped and it doesn't bother him.
I still love the character design for the old man, and the cleaned up images are looking really nice!
Nice work. The panels are consistent, clean and easy to follow and the use of varied camera angle helps keep it moving nicely. Character expressions are done well especially in panel 22 and the under lighting is a nice touch to add to sense that he is getting angry with the old man.
Great overall concept and storytelling. Panel 1 (establishing shot) explore different angles. Show more environment.
Panel 9, design the box, look for references I guess if he has all his military equipment there that box should look more like a chest. Also, give us some indication that there is military equipment there (military stars, camouflage patterns, etc.)
Once they arrived to their destination after panel 24, show the van pulling over and dropping him off. Then continue on panel 25.
Exaggerate his expression as much as possible in Panel 27. Let us know he has falling in love. Keep going give us a conclusion shot, a great ending could be showing an exterior shot of the window with them together. He smiles at the camera as he closes the window blinds. The End. Make changes accordingly for your final draft. Looking forward to see it!
"Pops" is looking great so far. The design for both characters works well. I agree with adding in a few elements to the box to make it seem more military-esque. Also, his admittance of defeat appears very sudden. I would give Pops a last ditch effort until he finally fails. He should fight to the end!
Great style for the piece, and the storyboard flows easily. It's also not cramped, and I feel all light n' fluffy being able to understand it so easily. It's also a simple story, and it's funny.
Panel 14, when he steps on the denture cream, works, but I liked the scene before when it was zoomed up on the step and it had a thick layer of cream. Page 6 is a bit confusing in my book - panel 16, is he thinking about doing what he did? It looks like a thought bubble, but I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what the background is - a fence? Loved that you kept the Bengay bomb though - it definitely fits the old man theme.
Here it is everybody! I made some changes to the story so tell me what you think! -Emily
ReplyDeleteDefinitely better than before with the removal of the, "stabbing an old man in the back", shot. I like the new attitude of the man arriving to take him away, and it's obvious he's simply being incovenienced on Shot 21, so good job with the expression. In Shot 15, I think it would be helpful if the man tossed the tube of cream aside to help show he's not being stopped and it doesn't bother him.
ReplyDeleteI still love the character design for the old man, and the cleaned up images are looking really nice!
Nice work. The panels are consistent, clean and easy to follow and the use of varied camera angle helps keep it moving nicely. Character expressions are done well especially in panel 22 and the under lighting is a nice touch to add to sense that he is getting angry with the old man.
ReplyDelete"Two thumbs up!"
ReplyDeleteGreat overall concept and storytelling. Panel 1 (establishing shot) explore different angles. Show more environment.
Panel 9, design the box, look for references I guess if he has all his military equipment there that box should look more like a chest. Also, give us some indication that there is military equipment there (military stars, camouflage patterns, etc.)
Once they arrived to their destination after panel 24, show the van pulling over and dropping him off. Then continue on panel 25.
Exaggerate his expression as much as possible in Panel 27. Let us know he has falling in love. Keep going give us a conclusion shot, a great ending could be showing an exterior shot of the window with them together. He smiles at the camera as he closes the window blinds. The End. Make changes accordingly for your final draft. Looking forward to see it!
"Pops" is looking great so far. The design for both characters works well. I agree with adding in a few elements to the box to make it seem more military-esque. Also, his admittance of defeat appears very sudden. I would give Pops a last ditch effort until he finally fails. He should fight to the end!
ReplyDeleteGreat style for the piece, and the storyboard flows easily. It's also not cramped, and I feel all light n' fluffy being able to understand it so easily. It's also a simple story, and it's funny.
ReplyDeletePanel 14, when he steps on the denture cream, works, but I liked the scene before when it was zoomed up on the step and it had a thick layer of cream. Page 6 is a bit confusing in my book - panel 16, is he thinking about doing what he did? It looks like a thought bubble, but I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what the background is - a fence? Loved that you kept the Bengay bomb though - it definitely fits the old man theme.