Very nice work, establishing shots are well done, but i think you could probably omit panel 2, it feels a bit superfluous. As always nice draftsmanship it is clear and easy to read. I can see why you might me up in the air about the ending, I think you should remove the last three panels and try something else, maybe the triclops limping back to his cave, or maybe just omit panels 34 and 35 they don't really add to the story in my opinion. Overall it looks good, nice use of various camera shots and angles, but i agree the ending needs some work.
Nice expressions and character movement. It's very easy to understand what's happening and I can already feel the pacing of the story without a lot of description. It looks like you forgot to include Panels 16, 17, and 18, which I assume are reaction shots between the ogre and farmer, but if not, then those should definitely be in there.
The ending... yeah, it's a little unusual and doesn't feel like a strong climax. I know we had discussed some options in class (like the mother ogre appearing and eating the farmer), but if you're looking for other ideas, maybe the farmer shoots, scaring the ogre away, and then the ogre realizes he's in the farmer's field of corn (or something), and then continues eating... or maybe the farmer wounds the ogre, feels bad, and treats his wounds. I don't know.
The early frames you've started to clean up look really good!
I definitely like how the farmer and the triclops meet in this draft better. The way they almost bump into each other makes it a little more exciting. In my opinion I think I would've liked to have seen the farmer's reaction to seeing the triclops in his house. Like maybe an astonished look on his face before he runs for his gun. The whole things looks great so far just keep working on that ending!
Adam make sure to follow your classmate's comments as they just point out exactly what needs to be improve to make your concept much stronger.
Also frame 7 tells us he is been sneaky. Think about this, if he is a big powerful looking ogre what's stoping him from just walk into the grocery store? If he is shy or afraid of getting kill there should be some kind of indicator (a sign, a statue of a guy holding an ogre's head, etc...) or something that tells us ogres aren't welcome.
After frame 6 we need a frame that indicates where is he heading, we know he is hungry but why he choose that place in particular? What caught his attention?( a food sign, advertisement, a display window full of food, etc...)
So, please develop further your story and ending. Make all changes for your next draft. Great quality and very clean, keep them coming!
I like the improvements you've made since the first draft - I definitely know why he's going out now. Panels 10-11, I really liked the technical aspect of the camera moving across the panels. It looks pretty professional. And as always, your art is incredibly clean and easy to follow.
Not much to critique on now that everyone else has gone. I like the ideas Ben has, so I can only suggest what everyone has already.
Very nice work, establishing shots are well done, but i think you could probably omit panel 2, it feels a bit superfluous. As always nice draftsmanship it is clear and easy to read. I can see why you might me up in the air about the ending, I think you should remove the last three panels and try something else, maybe the triclops limping back to his cave, or maybe just omit panels 34 and 35 they don't really add to the story in my opinion. Overall it looks good, nice use of various camera shots and angles, but i agree the ending needs some work.
ReplyDeleteNice expressions and character movement. It's very easy to understand what's happening and I can already feel the pacing of the story without a lot of description. It looks like you forgot to include Panels 16, 17, and 18, which I assume are reaction shots between the ogre and farmer, but if not, then those should definitely be in there.
ReplyDeleteThe ending... yeah, it's a little unusual and doesn't feel like a strong climax. I know we had discussed some options in class (like the mother ogre appearing and eating the farmer), but if you're looking for other ideas, maybe the farmer shoots, scaring the ogre away, and then the ogre realizes he's in the farmer's field of corn (or something), and then continues eating... or maybe the farmer wounds the ogre, feels bad, and treats his wounds. I don't know.
The early frames you've started to clean up look really good!
I definitely like how the farmer and the triclops meet in this draft better. The way they almost bump into each other makes it a little more exciting. In my opinion I think I would've liked to have seen the farmer's reaction to seeing the triclops in his house. Like maybe an astonished look on his face before he runs for his gun. The whole things looks great so far just keep working on that ending!
ReplyDeleteAdam make sure to follow your classmate's comments as they just point out exactly what needs to be improve to make your concept much stronger.
ReplyDeleteAlso frame 7 tells us he is been sneaky. Think about this, if he is a big powerful looking ogre what's stoping him from just walk into the grocery store? If he is shy or afraid of getting kill there should be some kind of indicator (a sign, a statue of a guy holding an ogre's head, etc...) or something that tells us ogres aren't welcome.
After frame 6 we need a frame that indicates where is he heading, we know he is hungry but why he choose that place in particular? What caught his attention?( a food sign, advertisement, a display window full of food, etc...)
So, please develop further your story and ending. Make all changes for your next draft. Great quality and very clean, keep them coming!
I like the improvements you've made since the first draft - I definitely know why he's going out now. Panels 10-11, I really liked the technical aspect of the camera moving across the panels. It looks pretty professional. And as always, your art is incredibly clean and easy to follow.
ReplyDeleteNot much to critique on now that everyone else has gone. I like the ideas Ben has, so I can only suggest what everyone has already.