Didn't have access to school scanner or Photoshop, so quality is worse. Took a lot of suggestions and re-did almost half of the story, pretty happy with the changes. Added backgrounds, pictures, a newspaper clipping to his right saying "Woman Dies, Age 28, Car Crash", and a color photo taped to the upper-right of his canvas. The woman now does nothing but be a painting. Not sure about the ending - whether it should end with a last establishing shot of instead end with shot 30 like it originally did. Gonna start inking and adding gray (hence the ? at final draft) if there aren't any huge changes needed.
Great improvement, your idea is getting across much better now. After shot 23 give us an indication that he puts his hands on the canvas and smears the painting in frustration then continue with shot 24.
Watch your composition on shot 15. Give us a different angle. Think about his frustration, how would he feel if he's trying to be careful and the charcoal breaks. Take that chance to emphasize that moment, then continue with shot 16.
After shot 29 go to shot 31 to keep up the continuity. Then shot 32, then make him look at the picture one last time. And for your grand finale shot 30 with color. The End
You may move on to the final draft. Keep in mind your story is all about the mood of your character! Great job!
The story reads a lot better now I think the changes you made are very successful. The addition of the backgrounds make the images a lot stronger with added continuity. Also the expressions and emotions Implied are much better. Good work so far.
I agree the expressions are great and really get the emotions across.Really bring out his frustration and make the colors bold and bright on the final shot! I'm excited to see it cleaned up and finished!
I'm really impressed with the updates. It's much easier to understand without any descriptions or explanations. The finished product should be really great!
Didn't have access to school scanner or Photoshop, so quality is worse. Took a lot of suggestions and re-did almost half of the story, pretty happy with the changes. Added backgrounds, pictures, a newspaper clipping to his right saying "Woman Dies, Age 28, Car Crash", and a color photo taped to the upper-right of his canvas. The woman now does nothing but be a painting. Not sure about the ending - whether it should end with a last establishing shot of instead end with shot 30 like it originally did. Gonna start inking and adding gray (hence the ? at final draft) if there aren't any huge changes needed.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteGreat improvement, your idea is getting across much better now.
After shot 23 give us an indication that he puts his hands on the canvas and smears the painting in frustration then continue with shot 24.
Watch your composition on shot 15. Give us a different angle. Think about his frustration, how would he feel if he's trying to be careful and the charcoal breaks. Take that chance to emphasize that moment, then continue with shot 16.
After shot 29 go to shot 31 to keep up the continuity. Then shot 32, then make him look at the picture one last time. And for your grand finale shot 30 with color. The End
You may move on to the final draft. Keep in mind your story is all about the mood of your character! Great job!
The story reads a lot better now I think the changes you made are very successful. The addition of the backgrounds make the images a lot stronger with added continuity. Also the expressions and emotions Implied are much better. Good work so far.
ReplyDeleteI agree the expressions are great and really get the emotions across.Really bring out his frustration and make the colors bold and bright on the final shot! I'm excited to see it cleaned up and finished!
ReplyDeleteI'm really impressed with the updates. It's much easier to understand without any descriptions or explanations. The finished product should be really great!
ReplyDelete