Hi Jessica, Great job in camera angles and establishing shots. However, I want you to keep exploring them specially towards the end of your story. In frame 12a remember that if the character goes out of frame so is the arrow. For 12a and 12b panels I think a flat angle camera view would work better just like the one in panel 13a. Also, include background elements in panels 6c ,6b, 6d, 7, 8, 10, 11, 14, 15 etc... In shot 2 you did a great gob in terms of depth of field. Please keep in mind your focal point which should be the artist and his painting as we zoom in they shouldn't get cropped at all. Also, make sure to keep up continuity. If you start showing color keep going with it and keep it consistent. At this point is confusing to understand where is the color emerging from. If he is trowing the color in panel 13a make sure to show it. Now, if you have the painting coming alive where does the rest of the body comes from, if he only draw her portrait? Think about how would the character react to such event. If you are focusing on how the color comes out of the painting, why we even need the women character at all? Keep going with your story as it needs more development. At this point we need to know visually each character's intentions and goals.
He's throwing paint in 13A, but just gray paint (I understand the confusion there, I can use markers to tone it). Everything in the room is gray at that point, and then he realizes he's ruined the picture for good, and touches it in a sentimental way. Then, what's trying to be conveyed is that, from his eyes, it changes from looking at a portrait to kind of meshing out into him holding a camera and looking at her as if he had jumped back in time to when she was alive, aka, he's remembering a time in the past. He's remembering that moment, and when he 'returns' to the present, he's surprised to see no longer gray, but color, which fills the room.
I guess the whole point of the story wasn't explained well in the short story either, but I was trying to convey that the memories of the time spent with his wife (or girlfriend, whichever) is what made his life have color (or, in other words, meaning) again. If I get rid of the girl, and he's just painting, it wouldn't really be a sentimental story, it'd just be about an artist who's frustrated with his work until color comes out of the painting randomly. I'm willing to change the story (though with two days to redo most of the storyboard it would honestly kinnddd of kill me), but I'm not sure to what I could change it into? One thing, though, I'm thinking of just changing it so the painting does indeed come alive, and just ditch the remembering/camera thing.
And just to kind of explain what I'm trying to show, the man's intention is to create a painting of his deceased wife to honor her/keep himself at peace (but he's so far failed at it), and the 'woman' (portrait) is trying to get him to live his life without hanging onto her death.
I'll make sure to detail and correct the suggestions on the actual storyboard pictures.
Ok, so think about, how can I tell that story visually? First, if he is remembering his deceased wife we need to see him holding or watching a photograph of her or them together (this will tell us that he is thinking about the past). Also, he is kind of a young character so I'm assuming it had to be a tragic death. Then you need to show a hint that she is dead (e.i. another picture of a funeral, him by himself, newspaper articles talking about a tragic accident, etc...)
I think you can get your story across just by staying in the present (no need to jump back and forth). Also, keep in mind that if he comes with a bucket of paint we will assume the color come from it. I think a better way to show his frustration it could be that he just takes his brush or his hand and smears it all over the painting. At that point he looks away from the canvas ( he has to be sad/crying to show his frustration). Also, showing wide/long shots you will be emphasizing his loneliness. Then we see him crying (because it was probably such a tragic lost) then he notice his finger are in color. Then he looks at the canvas and the magic happens!
Keep your concept but make it stronger. Use visual storytelling to enhance your story. Keep in mind gray markers are a key elements in your story used them accordingly to enhance mood.
Nice work on the camera shots in panels 1, 3 and 7 very good. Also the step by step progression of the throwing of the paint is a nice tough as well. However I think that most of the panels could use some more background work considering how much stuff is incorporated in the first two panels. I think that would really add a lot to compositions and to the continuity of the storyboards. The character work is nice and consistent in both the artist and the woman in the drawing, good work there.
I think it's working out pretty well. As pointed out, his relationship with this woman is confusing without an explanation, so a photo is a good idea, and that should be easy to add. Since the idea behind the story is this woman made his life colorful and meaningful, maybe his photograph could have subtle amount of color, showing its importance in his black and white world. It's obvious he's trying to draw a good picture of her, so it's important to him, and when the world fills with color, a color photograph could tie it all together. If you really want to go all out, you could include a few additional shots that show the story between the two, like a picture of them together, then a close up of a wedding photo album, then a newspaper clipping about a car accident and her picture. (Sorry to suggest more work for you.)
If I'm not mistaken, in Shot 3, the scribbled painting/drawing on the left is supposed to be another drawing of her that he didn't like? If so, I like the idea, since it reinforces his desire to draw the perfect picture of her.
Also, at the end, I'd like to see a repeat of an earlier establishing shot, all in color, to show how his entire world has transformed, since the man dominates the frame in most of the color shots.
I'm really curious to see the finish product since you're telling a lot through facial expression.
This looks really cool so far! I can't wait to see how it plays out! One thing I would say is to work on the motion when he throws the paint onto the picture. Really get that action in there so the emotion gets across. And maybe make the colors into solid shapes so it doesnt look quite so random. Keep at it!
I agree that your storyboards are coming across nicely so far. The first two panels set the stage well - cluttered and busy. Definitely keep that up throughout. I'm particularly a fan of shot 16C (both the angle and emergence of color are done well).
I think you could use a worm's eye view shot of the man looking up at the colors taking over the room. A wide shot of the room in full color would add a nice touch.
Hi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteGreat job in camera angles and establishing shots. However, I want you to keep exploring them specially towards the end of your story. In frame 12a remember that if the character goes out of frame so is the arrow. For 12a and 12b panels I think a flat angle camera view would work better just like the one in panel 13a.
Also, include background elements in panels 6c ,6b, 6d, 7, 8, 10, 11, 14, 15 etc... In shot 2 you did a great gob in terms of depth of field. Please keep in mind your focal point which should be the artist and his painting as we zoom in they shouldn't get cropped at all. Also, make sure to keep up continuity. If you start showing color keep going with it and keep it consistent. At this point is confusing to understand where is the color emerging from. If he is trowing the color in panel 13a make sure to show it.
Now, if you have the painting coming alive where does the rest of the body comes from, if he only draw her portrait? Think about how would the character react to such event. If you are focusing on how the color comes out of the painting, why we even need the women character at all?
Keep going with your story as it needs more development. At this point we need to know visually each character's intentions and goals.
He's throwing paint in 13A, but just gray paint (I understand the confusion there, I can use markers to tone it). Everything in the room is gray at that point, and then he realizes he's ruined the picture for good, and touches it in a sentimental way. Then, what's trying to be conveyed is that, from his eyes, it changes from looking at a portrait to kind of meshing out into him holding a camera and looking at her as if he had jumped back in time to when she was alive, aka, he's remembering a time in the past. He's remembering that moment, and when he 'returns' to the present, he's surprised to see no longer gray, but color, which fills the room.
ReplyDeleteI guess the whole point of the story wasn't explained well in the short story either, but I was trying to convey that the memories of the time spent with his wife (or girlfriend, whichever) is what made his life have color (or, in other words, meaning) again. If I get rid of the girl, and he's just painting, it wouldn't really be a sentimental story, it'd just be about an artist who's frustrated with his work until color comes out of the painting randomly. I'm willing to change the story (though with two days to redo most of the storyboard it would honestly kinnddd of kill me), but I'm not sure to what I could change it into? One thing, though, I'm thinking of just changing it so the painting does indeed come alive, and just ditch the remembering/camera thing.
And just to kind of explain what I'm trying to show, the man's intention is to create a painting of his deceased wife to honor her/keep himself at peace (but he's so far failed at it), and the 'woman' (portrait) is trying to get him to live his life without hanging onto her death.
I'll make sure to detail and correct the suggestions on the actual storyboard pictures.
Hi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteOk, so think about, how can I tell that story visually? First, if he is remembering his deceased wife we need to see him holding or watching a photograph of her or them together (this will tell us that he is thinking about the past). Also, he is kind of a young character so I'm assuming it had to be a tragic death. Then you need to show a hint that she is dead (e.i. another picture of a funeral, him by himself, newspaper articles talking about a tragic accident, etc...)
I think you can get your story across just by staying in the present (no need to jump back and forth). Also, keep in mind that if he comes with a bucket of paint we will assume the color come from it. I think a better way to show his frustration it could be that he just takes his brush or his hand and smears it all over the painting. At that point he looks away from the canvas ( he has to be sad/crying to show his frustration). Also, showing wide/long shots you will be emphasizing his loneliness. Then we see him crying (because it was probably such a tragic lost) then he notice his finger are in color. Then he looks at the canvas and the magic happens!
Keep your concept but make it stronger. Use visual storytelling to enhance your story. Keep in mind gray markers are a key elements in your story used them accordingly to enhance mood.
Nice work on the camera shots in panels 1, 3 and 7 very good. Also the step by step progression of the throwing of the paint is a nice tough as well. However I think that most of the panels could use some more background work considering how much stuff is incorporated in the first two panels. I think that would really add a lot to compositions and to the continuity of the storyboards. The character work is nice and consistent in both the artist and the woman in the drawing, good work there.
ReplyDeleteI think it's working out pretty well. As pointed out, his relationship with this woman is confusing without an explanation, so a photo is a good idea, and that should be easy to add. Since the idea behind the story is this woman made his life colorful and meaningful, maybe his photograph could have subtle amount of color, showing its importance in his black and white world. It's obvious he's trying to draw a good picture of her, so it's important to him, and when the world fills with color, a color photograph could tie it all together. If you really want to go all out, you could include a few additional shots that show the story between the two, like a picture of them together, then a close up of a wedding photo album, then a newspaper clipping about a car accident and her picture. (Sorry to suggest more work for you.)
ReplyDeleteIf I'm not mistaken, in Shot 3, the scribbled painting/drawing on the left is supposed to be another drawing of her that he didn't like? If so, I like the idea, since it reinforces his desire to draw the perfect picture of her.
Also, at the end, I'd like to see a repeat of an earlier establishing shot, all in color, to show how his entire world has transformed, since the man dominates the frame in most of the color shots.
I'm really curious to see the finish product since you're telling a lot through facial expression.
This looks really cool so far! I can't wait to see how it plays out! One thing I would say is to work on the motion when he throws the paint onto the picture. Really get that action in there so the emotion gets across. And maybe make the colors into solid shapes so it doesnt look quite so random. Keep at it!
ReplyDeleteGreat comments everyone!
ReplyDeleteI agree that your storyboards are coming across nicely so far. The first two panels set the stage well - cluttered and busy. Definitely keep that up throughout. I'm particularly a fan of shot 16C (both the angle and emergence of color are done well).
ReplyDeleteI think you could use a worm's eye view shot of the man looking up at the colors taking over the room. A wide shot of the room in full color would add a nice touch.
Thanks for the comments everyone. I definitely have a better idea of what to do with it.
ReplyDelete