Looks really good! The story is much more solid, the action is understandable, and everything is easy to read without the need for descriptions. The cleaned up frames look really nice.
Here are couple of things I will like you to include. Zoom out on your establishing shot to we can take a look of the environment. Give us some kind of indication where does the story takes place ( desert, city, countryside, etc.) then continue with your shot #1.
After shot 29 include a close up frame POV that tells us what he is looking at.
Also, you need to give us a closing scene/conclusion to your story. Think about what happens next with your character. Does he reaches happiness? How? Does he ever makes it to the old lady's room? Does she even likes him? You may take a look of my suggestion posted on your 2nd draft or you may develop your own, but keep in mind to answer all story holes in your concluding scene. Please make changes and resubmit for next class. Good job.
I really like this story, i can always imagine the sound of Army trumpets and gunfire when he puts on his uniform. Anyway so far it's looking good, the panels read well, i do agree with Prof Ruiz that a close up shot after panel 29 would be nice, although I like the open way it ends at the moment. The actions and expressions are working well and i understand the scanner issues but i would like to see a larger range of value
OK the shading didn't come out like I would have liked in the scanner but here it is!
ReplyDeleteLooks really good! The story is much more solid, the action is understandable, and everything is easy to read without the need for descriptions. The cleaned up frames look really nice.
ReplyDeleteVery nice work,
ReplyDeleteHere are couple of things I will like you to include. Zoom out on your establishing shot to we can take a look of the environment. Give us some kind of indication where does the story takes place ( desert, city, countryside, etc.) then continue with your shot #1.
After shot 29 include a close up frame POV that tells us what he is looking at.
Also, you need to give us a closing scene/conclusion to your story. Think about what happens next with your character. Does he reaches happiness? How? Does he ever makes it to the old lady's room? Does she even likes him? You may take a look of my suggestion posted on your 2nd draft or you may develop your own, but keep in mind to answer all story holes in your concluding scene. Please make changes and resubmit for next class. Good job.
I really like this story, i can always imagine the sound of Army trumpets and gunfire when he puts on his uniform. Anyway so far it's looking good, the panels read well, i do agree with Prof Ruiz that a close up shot after panel 29 would be nice, although I like the open way it ends at the moment. The actions and expressions are working well and i understand the scanner issues but i would like to see a larger range of value
ReplyDelete