I love the lighting and shadows. It looks really clean and believable. I still think it could use a few shots in between dropping the sword and the kiss to make the scene run a little smoother. The whole thing looks awesome!
Looks great! The added frames for the fight scene definitely help intensify the action. I do agree with Emily, that a bit more is needed just before the kiss, like a reaction shot from the woman.
In between of shot 21 and 22 insert more frames. Such as the women charging at him and then right before they collide right at the last second he throws his sword away just like in frame 22.
This shots are very important for you to develop due to the fact that they define your story climax. Add as many shots as you can to emphasize such dramatic scene. Do the same in between shots 24 & 25. You may include his facial expression, her reaction as she realized that he let her kill him, her reaction when he kisses her good bye, her realizing he likes her.
One other thing you may include in your story is letting us know what happens next. Think about it, she still there lain down with a dead body. As for this moment there is nothing telling us that they love each other so think of them as just rivals.
A suggestion for your ending. So, when she walks away she feels an incredible pain and vomits black blood, she looks at him and he laying on the floor looks at her and smiles because with that last kiss he poison her. Both of them die. The End.
Consider all your feedback/comments, improve your story and resubmit for next class. Great job with the lighting and contrast. Looking forward to your next draft.
Looking much cleaner the farther you go, but I'd reduce the amount of blur/smudge you're using for your shadows. Either go realistic or cel-shade, but now it's kind of in-between. More of a technical thing though, and I'd understand perfectly if you wouldn't bother changing it.
The action, for most of the scenes, is understandable. I'd like a few more explanation scenes (fight scenes take the longest amount of frames, simply because you have to describe every little movement, even if it doesn't last long), for instance, after 11, show another frame of the same shot, but she's turning around in preparation for the strike to his back. I see you made an arrow kind of suggesting that's what happens, but it's not perfectly clear yet. Same with another shot after shot 20, showing him standing up. It's tedious, but it's a pretty important scene - it tells us even though he's hurt (frame 20), he's still got fight left in him (him standing up defiantly). And I'm really confused as to what's happening after 21... Oh, it's him throwing away his sword. That's also a pretty important scene, and I think you could just do away with frame 21, and just show him standing up from frame 20, and then raising his sword, and throwing it down. Much more readable as an act of surrender. If you do that, you can also add her emotions - she watches the sword fall to the ground, has a moment of weakness as her eyebrows furrow in confusion/care, and then shakes herself out of it before gutting him! Then another shot of him looking up at her with whatever emotion he's feeling, a shot of him grabbing the spear, and then a close-up of the kiss. Right now there's just too much being left up to the reader's imagination. (I'd hate to make more work for you, but fight scenes are kind of a lot of work.)
It's a lot of work, and pretty hard, but it's going to be an amazing scene in the end that shows your full potential. I'm already in awe of how far you've gotten, so keep it up!
I love the lighting and shadows. It looks really clean and believable. I still think it could use a few shots in between dropping the sword and the kiss to make the scene run a little smoother. The whole thing looks awesome!
ReplyDeleteLooks great! The added frames for the fight scene definitely help intensify the action. I do agree with Emily, that a bit more is needed just before the kiss, like a reaction shot from the woman.
ReplyDeleteIn between of shot 21 and 22 insert more frames. Such as the women charging at him and then right before they collide right at the last second he throws his sword away just like in frame 22.
ReplyDeleteThis shots are very important for you to develop due to the fact that they define your story climax. Add as many shots as you can to emphasize such dramatic scene. Do the same in between shots 24 & 25. You may include his facial expression, her reaction as she realized that he let her kill him, her reaction when he kisses her good bye, her realizing he likes her.
One other thing you may include in your story is letting us know what happens next. Think about it, she still there lain down with a dead body.
As for this moment there is nothing telling us that they love each other so think of them as just rivals.
A suggestion for your ending. So, when she walks away she feels an incredible pain and vomits black blood, she looks at him and he laying on the floor looks at her and smiles because with that last kiss he poison her. Both of them die. The End.
Consider all your feedback/comments, improve your story and resubmit for next class. Great job with the lighting and contrast. Looking forward to your next draft.
Looking much cleaner the farther you go, but I'd reduce the amount of blur/smudge you're using for your shadows. Either go realistic or cel-shade, but now it's kind of in-between. More of a technical thing though, and I'd understand perfectly if you wouldn't bother changing it.
ReplyDeleteThe action, for most of the scenes, is understandable. I'd like a few more explanation scenes (fight scenes take the longest amount of frames, simply because you have to describe every little movement, even if it doesn't last long), for instance, after 11, show another frame of the same shot, but she's turning around in preparation for the strike to his back. I see you made an arrow kind of suggesting that's what happens, but it's not perfectly clear yet. Same with another shot after shot 20, showing him standing up. It's tedious, but it's a pretty important scene - it tells us even though he's hurt (frame 20), he's still got fight left in him (him standing up defiantly). And I'm really confused as to what's happening after 21... Oh, it's him throwing away his sword. That's also a pretty important scene, and I think you could just do away with frame 21, and just show him standing up from frame 20, and then raising his sword, and throwing it down. Much more readable as an act of surrender. If you do that, you can also add her emotions - she watches the sword fall to the ground, has a moment of weakness as her eyebrows furrow in confusion/care, and then shakes herself out of it before gutting him! Then another shot of him looking up at her with whatever emotion he's feeling, a shot of him grabbing the spear, and then a close-up of the kiss. Right now there's just too much being left up to the reader's imagination. (I'd hate to make more work for you, but fight scenes are kind of a lot of work.)
It's a lot of work, and pretty hard, but it's going to be an amazing scene in the end that shows your full potential. I'm already in awe of how far you've gotten, so keep it up!